My post yesterday generated some wonderful comments. However, I want to clarify something. I feel no obligation to explain to anyone my choice to stay at home with my children. They can roll their eyes, look down on me, cluck their tongues and think I'm lazy....feel free. But I can say that I have never in my life wanted anything (cars, diamonds, status) enough to hand my child over to someone else to raise while I go to work. If we were in serious financial trouble, that is another story. You have to do what is right to support your children. But I refuse to set my child anywhere other than the comfort of their own living room, so that I can enjoy a Starbucks in my Escalade on my way to work every morning.
My job has no holidays, vacations or sick days. I work 24/7, 365 days a year. My life is not spent on the couch eating bon-bons and watching tv while the kids play. This is such a common misconception! I might not have to go into an office, or wear business clothes every day, but just because I sometimes wear my pajamas until lunch time, doesn't mean I don't work just as hard as the next person. "Well, of course her house is neat, she stays home!" Hey, I do keep a neat house, but I do it along with the wash (that you send out), dinner (that you bring home), taxes (that you take to your accountant), grocery shopping, etc., etc. And I do this with my kids around. I make time to play, feed, do homework....all in a 24 hour period.
The problem I'm having is learning to balance motherhood with my newfound "freedom" of having older kids. I can now go shopping alone, or browse a bookstore during the day....but I feel guilty enjoying these things. I feel like I should be doing something that has a specific purpose. I can't help it, I've been doing it for 15 years. It's something I have to learn to enjoy and accept. First and foremost I'm a MOM....all other things I may ever become will be secondary.
12 comments:
Wow You're gettin mean!!! Who pi$$ed in your cornflakes? Somebody giving you a hard time? You want me come down there,take care of dem for ya? Here's what I like to say when people question why I don't work. Question: "So why don't you get a job already?" Answer, me: "Because I don't have to my husband makes enough money for the both of us" Shuts them up fast.
Do not feel guilty for enjoying other things. You have been working 24/7 indefinately. Think of it as a little "time off" that you've accrued...or personal time. You're taking nothing away from your family by occasionally spoiling yourself. If anything, it should be revitalizing.
I think it's important for women to support each other in the decisions they make regarding working. Just because I do not work outside the home does not mean I don't respect those that do. Ok, that's my speech. Gotta run. I've got my Escalade warming up in the driveway--I'm off to Starbucks!!! (just kidding)
Hi there! Two questions: 1. Can I borrow a cup of your sense of self
2. Can I give you my mother-in-laws phone number?:-)
I think what you say is right on and thank you from another SAHM.
~RC
Very good entry!!! You explained it perfectly and went even further to let people know the other side of the story on how you are feeling. Brava girl!!
Hugs and love, Lisa
And I also wanted to add that if you hung around with me, I'd cure you of that guilt thing right-quick (southern talk). I'm so bad that I don't think the time that they are in school is enough alone time for me. On second thought, you better not ever hang around with me, I'm a very bad influence....Karen :)-
excellent post! You summed it up. I have many of the same issues, seems like the people who grudgingly accepted me staying home with little ones can't understand why i don't get a REAL job now...with the hours my Dh has worked over the years I feel blessed to be able to afford to stay home, and teens need us just as much as babies! Oh well...pass the bon bons.....I don't know why moms can't just support each others choices..hugz...
You GO girlfriend!!! You said it! I hated when people judged me when I was a SAHM with that clean house and cooking crap. I still do it now (along with EVERYTHING that gets done and I work) It's all just a matter of priorities! There are lots of SAHM's that have gross homes and get fast food every night! Just like if you decide to go to work I'd put money on it that you'd still have a clean house and cook nice meals!
THANK YOU for setting the record straight!! ~Kim (fellow sahm)
This was something I felt strongly about myself ... I stayed home with my children and I have NO regrets to this day. I love the time I had spent with them. Especially when I hear other parents say where did all the time go when the kids grow up and move out. I had a day care in my home to help provide for the lost income. You do what you have to do!
Smilin Mon
This is a kick ass entry Sherry. We work our asses off. I mean..sometimes I clock my hours and its like 14 or even more at times. If I'm lucky its only a 9 or 10 hour day. I'd be rich if I were getting paid. I know what I made at work..and my husband couldn't afford me if he had to pay me. I have never left my kids with anyone..when I worked it was only because hub and I were able to trade shifts..but with his job now that is impossible he works all sorts of crazy hours.
Your Specific purpose is Raising your Family I am glad you Wrote this
You sound very confident in YOURself and that you know what you want someday you will have a career and make really good money be healthy and Happy Just knowing there's someone that's making a difference YOU ARE A GOOD MOM
Take Care
Tammy from Kentucky
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