It has occured to me that although I am a sahm, I am now in a sub category. I have children in school, but they are in 3rd grade and a freshman. I am no longer the sahm of toddlers or pre-schoolers. When people asked what I did when my girls were small, I smiled, looked over at them and said, "OH, I stay at home with my girls." They would see them running about, cute as can be, asking mommy for a ba-ba, and understand. Now, when I am asked, and I reply, "I'm a stay at home mom", they look over at my brooding teen, and self-sufficient 3rd grader....then look back at me with the 'Hmmmm, don't you think it's time to get a job' look. I have to admit, I was guilty of thinking the same thing, when I had babies and saw mom's shopping alone during the day. But now, well, it's a different story.
I don't stay home because I'm lazy. I will admit, that if I don't have to, I don't really want to work. I like being available for my kids when they need me. I like the fact that if dh wants to schedule his vacations, I don't have to try to synchronize mine. I like having my alone time. I have spent 15 years taking care of my precious kids....and now, I'm beginning to have a little bit of me back. I am scared, though. I have based the last 15 years on my children. I have been defined as a mom. It's been "me" for so long, that I don't quite know who "I" am anymore. I'm scared to change. I want my life to continue to be filled with Little Bear and fruit snacks. I want to know the entire score to The Little Mermaid. I want to spend my days trying to squeeze things in between naps and bath time. But I have to change. Time doesn't stand still, and I'm fighting it. I know I have to let go, and move on to the next part of my life....but I don't want to. I'm comfortable in "mommy mode".
But, things do change, and I need to as well. I need to start figuring out who I am again. However, first and foremost I am "mom"....whatever else I find out, will just be icing on the cake.
13 comments:
Hi im also a stay at home mom with 3 little ones 2 of wich go to Head Start in the morning for 3 hours. And i feel for you i have worked b4 but at this point in life i really dont want to. I will probely be working when all of my kids are in all day school. But until then i dont want to.
Rayne
You should see the looks I get when I say I'm still at home and my kids are 20, 18 and 13!!! With my husband gone so much it is impossible for me to be committed to a job. I am alone here in GA and have no immediate family close by to help out, so I need to be available. Also, another problem we have with me working is that we always end up owing taxes, so it's like I'm working for nothing, so what's the point? That's why I occasionally babysit, because it's under the table money.
I can't wait till i have six hours to myself when brianna goes to school. I will sleep the entire day every day. LOL sleep or shop. Enjoy your rest and take your sweet time figuring it out
You know, I've been driving myself crazy knowing Mikey starts school in August, but I've decided that if I do anything, it'll be helping out in their classes. I mean, I don't KNOW what I want to do as far as a career. I also like being available when school calls. I can go to conferences anytime and doctors appts. I don't know why we feel that staying home isn't enough. Our grandparents did it. My grandma never worked outside the home a day in her life. ~Melissa
Go look in the mirror!! See that woman looking back? That's you, a wife, a mother, a housekeeper, a cook, a taxi driver and someone that loves their family so much, that she is the corner stone of that family. You are the glue that holds everything together and that is job enough....but if you wish to cram more into an already full life, then make sure it's something you like and enjoy. For you deserve it. Hugs Lanny
We are in the same boat. I have been a sahm mom for many years - and now that the kids are older (9, 13, 16) I think it's expected that I "get a life". I'm finding that trying to ease into it is working for me. I've found something I like to do that isn't overly demanding. However - I'm still struggling with who I really am. Sometimes I wonder If I'll ever figure it out.
Many people think i'm lazy for being a sahm, and many try to take advantage of the fact that i am home too. If my job is so easy, then why do they try to give me their kids everytime they run to the store? Glad you're finally getting some 'me' time you deserve!
Awww Sherry, you know what I say to how you think people feel you should be working when you have two kids in school? Screw 'em! You are doing the most important job in the entire world! You are being mom, even if the kids are in school, it doesn't matter. Unless you absolutely NEED the money, stay home! Plain and simple!!! You have my total respect for doing that!
Hugs and love, Lisa
We have the most satisfying jobs in the world.No, we don't get a paycheck for that,but looking at your beautiful children growing up,becoming self-sufficiant,self-thinkers is the biggest reward in the world.Don't you forget what you are doing for your kids by being a mom to them.Thats your "job" Lots of Love KIM
How about doing like me? Try for a job at school! I wouldn't trade it for anything ('cept winning the lotto :-) but it's been perfect. I'm actually closer to my kids than being at home yet I'm working, making money, getting insurance, my own identity and still have the same time off they do. (And I'm still there to secretely watch over them ;-) Not bad huh?
I can totally relate to the part where you say that you have enjoyed being a mom, & you have enjoyed this part of your life. Change is hard, I am going thru that too. I was not able to be a stay at home mom. That was my DREAM..but that time has passed for me...Cherish the time you have..It sounds like you STAND PROUD of who you ARE. That is great. Life Happens..we have to go w/ it. Great Entry!!!
:)Kate
You'll figure out what you're suppose to do in time. I think it's wonderful that you're at home and available for your kids.
Loved your comments - I know the feeling well. Some days that's good OR bad. I have found that I am not neglecting myself (as much) anymore and catching up on ob/gyn and mammograms!! lol Now THAT is boredom!!!!
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