Finally!!!!

Well, it's 4:00 am and I finally got the airline ticket mess straightend out.  Might I give all who read this some words of advice?  DO NOT wait until the second week of December to book airline tickets for the end of December.  The prices go waaayyyy up, and the budget flights are few and far between!  I finally found a flight out of Chicago for my oldests dd's best friend, so that she can spend the holidays with us.  (She is the daughter of my best friend who passed away).  This girl is like a daughter to me, and every Christmas and summer break, I send her a ticket to spend time with us.  Somehow this year time just slipped away from me and I forgot to get the ticket.  But, thank the good Lord, I found one and she will be on her way.  "Cheers" to the customer service staff at Travelocity, who feilded my 5 calls....they were quite helpful.  "Jeers" to my freaking internet service (the supposed superior broadband service), who seconds after pressing the "buy ticket now" button, froze up.  This is why I am up so early, and spent a night tossing and turning.  The cs lady told me to wait until morning to purchase a new ticket because maybe it went through and it's taking a long time to show up (I didn't want to accidentally purchase 2 tickets!).  So, I waited as long as I could, (being that the flight only had 3 empty seats and I was sure someone would buy it during the night), then got up and re-purchased. With that done, I can go back to bed and have a restful hour of sleep before the day begins again.  Ahhh, the joy of the holiday season.... 

What a day....

Do you ever have one of those days?  You know, where you feel like everything irritates you?  It started this morning with a new friend (we've seriously talked about four times now), telling me of her horrible marriage and how she needs a friend to confide in and talk to.  I don't mind talking, but she is going through some really serious stuff, and telling me all about it.  I really feel sorry for her, but it's a lot to take all at once.  I feel overwhelmed and bombarded....I don't know what to do.  She has told me so much that I can't just avoid her; not to mention the fact that she has huge abandonment issues. What should I do?  (Advice would be appreciated!)  Then, I deposited my check and my mil's Christmas check she sent to the family, and shopped for gifts.  I went store to store, and although I got most of what I wanted, I feel like I didn't get everything.  And I was frustrated because I was hot.  I thought it was cooler than it was outside, so I wore a tank top with a jacket over it.  Wouldn't you know, after the first store, the rain stopped, the sun came out and I was burning up.  So, why didn't I just take the jacket off?  Well, because I wore the tanktop that had the stain on it that is covered by the jacket.  So, I had the air on full blast as I drove around town.  Then I come home to my supposedly faster-than-the-speed-of-light broadband, and the thing freezes at least 10 times.  Once I get on, I find that I can't get the airline ticket I need, because the website is down.  And of course, while preparing dinner, washing dishes, and helping with homework, dh comes in and wants to discuss life insurance right now.  AAAAHHHHHH!  I have about had it today! 

Chat room clique....

I have been in my fair share of chat rooms....99% of them G-rated ;o).  My favorites are the game chats in the AOL Parenting section.  It's great to relax in the evening with a fun game, and lighthearted chat.  However, trying to break into the regular "mom" chatrooms is not as easy as one would think.  Usually, I begin by entering and quietly watching.  Most of the time, the chat is already going full steam so no one notices.  After acclimating myself to the conversations that are going on, I decide to say "hi".  Nothing.  The chat continues and I wait.  Someone new comes in and I am the first to give a "hi" to them....nothing.  Invariably, they are already a part of the "parent clique" and get (((((hugs))))) from everyone else. So, I wait and read some more.  Okay!  They are talking about a subject I am familiar with.  I come up with a witty remark, wait for juuussst the right moment and BAM!  Hit send.  Nothing.  What exactly is it that one must do to break into these cliques?  Perhaps I need to be on for hours at a time. Maybe I need to be more forthcoming with my hugs. (I'm just not a hugger.)  How is it that while searching for a community that embraces stay at home mom's, I am rejected?  I find that this is a commonality in most of the chat rooms I visit.  In my old transatlantic chat, you knew who the "leaders" were. They were the ones that told the worst jokes, yet got the most LOL's.  I tried the 30's chats, only to find that those are basically for people looking for, well, encounters.  There was only one chat room where I was accepted and felt like a friend from the beginning.....and that was a Canadian chat.  Chatrooms are sort of like being in high school again.  The "popular" people take over, with the lesser known chatters left on their own, to live vicariously.  And not unlike high school, as you are sitting there, waiting to be noticed, the one and only pervert surfer decides to talk to you.  I tell you, you just can't win!    

When all else fails....bake brownies

Well, the anniversary has come and gone.  We began our day at Cracker Barrel; eggs cooked to perfection, bacon crisp, biscuits fluffy, grits, well, gritty, gravy hot, and my personal favorite, hashbrown casserol!  We also had coffee.  Now, hubby and I have this "thing" we do every time we go out to breakfast....we fix each others coffee.  I reach across and put 4 packets of sugar in his cup, as he does the same for me.  Then we exchange creamer, and stir, using each other's spoons.  Afterward, we clink glasses and toast to us, then savor the first robust sniff....dramatic pause....and drink.  Ahhhhh, delicious.  Anyway, after that we went to Toys R Us and got youngest her birthday gift, (which happens to fall on Christmas day), a new bike. We got her a chain and mirror and these cool flashy things that go on the spokes. Then, it was off to Home Depot for the grab bag gift dh needed, and onto the mall where we walked around.  After that we headed to Lowe's where as we entered, we promptly forgot why we had gone there, and left for Wal-Mart.  A box of lights and pair of tweezers later, we were back home, "celebrating" before the kids got home. (I know, too much information, right?)  That evening we went out to dinner and over to my uncle's house to visit, and then back home where life went back to normal....dh asleep on the couch in front of the tv, and me in bed, flipping through channels.  Today started off good....the glow of romance still surrounding us until around 1:00, when I decided to try to set up my AOL broadband.  I needed a very heavy desk moved, and a hole drilled into the wall....this is where things fell apart.  Hubby was not happy about stopping his lawn work to come inside and help with yet another project. Crab, crab, complain, complain, and *poof*, the romance faded.  Then my girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant, yet again, which sent me into further depression.  (I want another baby but dh is fixed and I don't have a boyfriend....sigh).  So, I did what any other person would do, I baked brownies.  And to top it off, I covered them with Heath bits and chocolate chips. Zoloft, no way.  Prozac?  Forget it.  I will medicate myself with chocolately goodness....I can feel the happiness coming on!  (Unfortunately, it's coming onto my hips.)

Ahhh, childhood.....

I don't know if I should laugh or cry....I'm feeling so melancholy right now.  I'm sitting at my computer, enjoying a steaming bowl of tomato soup and crackers, with my balsam fir candle, listening to Christmas music from my childhood, basking in the glow of my computer desk tree.  Isn't it funny how a taste, a scent, or the first few bars of "Frosty the Snowman" can catapult you back to your childhood?  Images of my dad stringing Christmas lights on our live tree flood my memory right now.  My sisters and I would be in our red and white "my heart belongs to daddy" nightgowns, just waiting to start putting the ornaments on the tree.  My mom would be in the kitchen making hot chocolate, and Gene Autry's Christmas album would be playing in the background.  I remember being so excited, knowing Santa would soon be on his way.  Remember the big bulbs we used to string on trees? Now those were festive!  I would stare at them for hours.  My favorite part of the evening happened after the tree was decorated. My parents would turn off the lights, and we would fall asleep on the floor, wrapped in our blankies, watching that beautiful tree.  Because of the disease that is slowly yet progressively taking my father away from me, it's hard to remember him young and vibrant. My childhood memories of him are of a loving father and husband.  Nothing was more important to him than his family and his God.  Christmas time was such a fun and magical time for us.  Dad loved it just as much as us kids.  I remember him slow-dancing with my mom in front of the tree, holding her close and smiling.  Life was good....how I wish those feelings could be recaptured.  Or perhaps a quick trip back in time, to enjoy one more of those Christmas's.  Of course, I know that isn't possible, and I am making new memories with my family. My kids enjoy our traditions as do my husband and I.  I can only hope that they will look back on their childhood with the same love and warmth that I feel with mine.  

Good Morning!

Well, since it is now December, I have decided to change my font color to "holiday green".  How festive.  Today is going to end up being a day of cleaning, washing floors, etc.  Why, you ask?  You see, my normal schedule is heavy cleaning on Monday and Friday, with a slightly less thorough going-over on Wednesday.  All other days get a vaccum and floor mop as needed.  So, after finishing my order of sewing last night, I was thrilled to think I had a Thursday free of work/cleaning, etc.  I spent the evening deciding what I should do today....should I go shopping?  Get a massage?  Sleep?  And then I remembered that Friday is our anniversary (the big "16"), and I won't be able to do my cleaning because hubby has taken the day off.  Bummer.  Not bummer that he is home, but bummer that my cleaning schedule will now be off.  To the average person, I suppose this sounds insane.  "What?  She's complaining because she has to go out and spend a romantic day with her husband instead of cleaning?"  No, that's not it.  It's just that I hate it when my schedule is off.  I have suffered from OCD since I was a child, and organization is my life.  I like my dishes stacked properly, my socks going in the correct direction, and my cleaning days in order.  I'm not a hand washing germaphobe, I obsess about order.  Trust me when I say you can come over any time of the day and my house will sparkling.  Even when it's dirty, it's clean.  My cabinets are organized, my linen closet would make Martha Stewart cry with joy, and my junk drawer is neat and tidy. I am lucky that I found a man who is a neat freak. His garage is the envy of all the other men on the block.  He painted it a white-white this summer-you have to squint when you come in from the sun. The tools are alphabetically organized. You could eat off the workbench or perform surgery on the floor. We are a perfect match. So, I will clean today and not complain about the schedule change.  And tomorrow, hubby and I can enjoy our day, knowing that the house is clean and things are in their place.  (Of course, I can always vaccum when I get home!) 

Oh, lonesome me....

I went to the lab today to get my blood taken for my last test.  It was a 2 hour glucose test, which meant I was stuck 4 times. I am always amused having my blood taken because I went through a phlebotomy course and clinicals; so I know what they are doing, and if they are doing it correctly.  Guess what?  98% of phlebotomists are not doing it by the book!  But, they are the ones with the needles, so I don't say anything.  Anyway, as I was sitting in the waiting room, watching people come and go, I realized that I am really a loner.  I saw people who knew each other, saying hello and asking about thier holidays; and I saw people striking up conversations with one another and being friendly.  Not that I'm not friendly, I am.  I will say hi and smile.  It just seems that I give off the "stand-offish" vibe.  My mother says I'm too negative.  That I judge people too harshly before I know them.  Well, perhaps I do. I am not the sweet, down home, funny gal.  I'm more of a dry humor, "Is she being rude or is she British?" kind of gal.  My uncle is the same way, so I suppose you could say it runs in the family.  In any case, I try very hard not to judge people before I know them.  God has made it abundantly clear that I am not always on the money with my observations of others.  I have found a few friends in people I would never have imagined being pals with, had I not gotten to know them. It seems whenever I begin a new relationship, I almost try to find something I don't like, so that I don't get too close to them.  I know why.  It's because in June of 2001 I lost my best friend to ovarian cancer.  I miss her so much.  We would talk for hours every day about everything and nothing.  I suppose I don't want the hurt of losing someone again.  However, sometimes I feel so lonely.  I long to have a best friend,someone I can confide in and relate to.  Someone to shop with and have lunch with and snicker over secrets together. You know what I mean? Yes, even a sahm gets lonely.