Oops....

When we moved from Indiana to Florida, we gained some and lost some.  Specifically, we lost a huge garage (3 car) and gained a small garage (barely 2 car).  So obviously we lost a lot of storage space as well.  Our 15 year old really doesn't need her bike anymore, as it is not the "cool" thing to ride, so it sits at my mom's house, 5 miles away.  Our 9 year old, however, needs her bike....at all times.  This means we have to squish it in the garage along with my mini-van, the 57 Ford and the motorcycle.  You might remember that she got a new bike for her birthday on Christmas....well, it is bigger than her old one and, thus, will not fit in front of the 57 so that the garage door will close.  So, last night I moved it behind my van (you see where this is going?) in order to close the door.  Now, when I did this, I had a brief flash in my mind of her new bike horribly mangled under my van....but I shrugged off the thought because I am a "good mom", and would "never forget" that I put the "new bike" behind my van.  Well, turns out I am not the "good mom" I thought I was.  I did "forget" and slammed on my brakes this morning, as I was backing out of the garage....unfortunately it was after I heard my van coming into contact with the "new bike".  You know, it's moments like these when things seem to go in slow motion.  I remember turning my head and seeing my daughters eyes grow wide with horror.  She puts her hands to her face and there is an audible, "Moooommmm, NNNOOOOOOO!"  All I can do is look at her and think, "Crap....my husband is going to kill me!"  (There was a previous "wagon incident" in '98).  I got out of the van, and ran to the back.  Apparently somehow, somewhere, someone was watching over the new bike, and all that happened was a tiny scrape....and a bit of a gouge in my bumper.  *HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!*  My daughter looked her bike over and prounounced it okay, and we got into the car and went on our way.  Oh yes, I did have to endure the taunts and jeers of my teenager and her friend, who said, "And you're worried about US getting drivers liscenses!"  Of course, this little incident will not be mentioned to hubby....there are just some things he doesn't need to know!

Aren't the holidays over yet????

Here we are, day 9 of Christmas vacation (if we aren't counting weekends).  I know that I usually sing the virtues of being a sahm, of enjoying every moment of being with my children but....I NEED a few hours to myself!!!!  I have had family and friends with me for the past week and a half and I'm about to go nuts!  How I long for an hour where no one dirties a dish the minute I drain the sink.  Or, perhaps ten minutes to admire my clean floor before someone walks across it with dirty shoes.  Or the quintessential 20 seconds of QUIET!  Last night I made a beautiful dinner....the lasagna was hot and tasty, flaky garlic bread, toasted to perfection, a salad loaded with fresh veggies and baby spinach, and homemade oatmeal-chocolate chip cake warm from the oven....did I get to sit and enjoy it?  Sure....after I served youngest and friend, (shift change) then oldest and 2 friends (shift change) then crabby husband home late from work.  And let me tell you that the lukewarm lasagna, wilted salad that had all the good veggies picked out of, and cold cake was just wonderful (enter sarcasm *here). I shouldn't complain, I know.  My kids were here with me, I have enough food to feed my family and others, blah, blah, blah....I guess the Christmas spirit has officially "left the building".  I do feel a twinge guilty talking like this....but sometimes you just have to vent.  (Well, that and I still haven't found a therapist around here!)   

Dinner time....

I can't believe how empty the mall was today.  I took the kids there because my dd's girlfriend who is staying with us for a week, swallowed the end of her tongue ring last night at dinner, and needed a new one.  (I know, how gross!  DD will NOT be getting one!).  So, we picked up the boyfriend and went to the mall.  I sent them off on their own, and my little one and I went shopping the sales.  I thought it would be crowded today, but it wasn't bad.  I got three calendars at 50% off, a wall hanging for dd's room, and a new book bag for her as well.  I tell you, those rolling book bags just fall apart if you get the cheap ones.  So, I splurged and got one for $19, on sale from $30.  My dd is thrilled because it has dual wheels.  She was pulling it around the mall saying, "Mom, you just won't believe how smooth this is!"  I tell you, sometimes it doesn't take much to impress a 9 year old.  So, from there it was off to the grocery store for dinner supplies.  I have tons of stuff at home, so why do I feel it necessary to go to the store and buy more????  I don't know.  I forgot to set the hamburger out to defrost, so I needed fresh meat. Anyhoo, it's lasagna (is that spelled right?  It doesn't look right....) and salad and oatmeal cake for dessert.  Yeah, like I need a fat-laden, carb-filled dinner after the holidays.  I really need to lose some weight.  My plan is to try the Weight Watchers points system.  Has anyone out there tried that?  I have heard good things about it.  I am not a candidate for Atkins, because I hate meat and cheese on a daily basis.  SlimFast has worked before, if I needed to lose a quick 5-10.  I actually like SlimFast a lot.  Maybe I will merge the two....do you think I'll lose twice as fast?   

Cor Blimey....what a Christmas!!!!

Christmas has come and gone and everyone here is thrilled with their gifts.  The girls actually want to be sent to their rooms; as the oldest got a dvd player and mini-fridge, and the youngest got playstation 2 and a mini-fridge.  Hubby got WWII movies galore, a cover for his motorcycle and plenty of reading material.  So, you ask, what did I get?  Well, aside from the homemade 3rd grade ceramic elephant from my youngest, (I had tears in my eyes from the sheer cuteness of it!), and the body massager from my oldest, hubby decided to go with a "theme" this year.  He is usually pretty good about gifts, but this year, he tried to get me things that he knew I liked.  A bit of background to explain the theme; I don't watch much tv, but when I do, 90% of what I watch is on BBC America.  I love all things British, and enjoy an occasional evening at the British pub that is near our home.  I've always wanted to go to England, but doubt I will, since I have a fear of flying!  So, being the perceptive bloke that he is, he decides to go with an english Christmas.  I got a Union Jack sweater and scarf, a UJ flag for the car (when I opened this, I told him I love him dearly, but I am NOT going to stick it out my window!), a key chain, a sticker (which is on my new fridge), an umbrella, a coffee mug (which I am having trouble with....I mean, would it be sacreligious to put coffee in an English mug?  Do I have to switch to tea?), and a baseball cap which I have been wearing most of today.  Oh yes, he also got me six "Mr. Edward's Traditional Mini-Mince Pies".  I tried one, and I am assuming that mince pie is an acquired taste.  My father, however, loved them, so I gave them to him.  (BTW, he also got me a new sewing table....non-british!).  I have to say, I was thrilled with each of those crazy gifts.  Just the fact that he learned how to go online, find the store, and order me something that he knew I would like, makes my heart sing.  He's a "good bloke" and I wouldn't trade him for the world.  I think I'll grab my "ducky" and plant a huge kiss right on his "gob"!

Christmas Morning Mauling.....

It's Christmas morning, and I'm the first one up.  I have decided to take one last, long look at our tree, with the presents beautifully wrapped and placed just-so underneath.  Something catches my eye near one of the gifts.  A slight movement.  I get closer, letting my eyes adjust to the light.  Again I see it, but this time I know what it is....a lizard.  Now, lizards in Florida are like mosquitoes in Minnesota or rattlesnakes in Texas.  It's just part of living here.  ANd they aren't huge, iguana type lizards, but cute green things like the Geiko gecko.  Still, I need to remove him before the kids wake up.  I take a step closer, and he wriggles up the doorway trim.  He stops, eye level with me.  He is strangely cute sitting there, basking in the glow of the holiday lights.  Almost like an ornament.  I step forward for a second, just to see him close up.  It is at this moment that, I swear to you, he SMILES at me, and leaps.  I can't tell you what it's like to feel little lizard feet on your scalp on Christmas morning.  I am frantically trying to brush him out of my hair, spinning around and nearly missing crushing all of the gifts that I had so carefully placed around the tree. I can only imagine the image of the lizard and I, in our silent dance of horror.  Somehow, I must have brushed him off in one of my frenzied grasps, and he landed on the tile floor of the foyer.  After letting my pulse settle down for a moment, I went to the lizard, lying still on the floor.  At that moment, I knew only one of us had come out of our tousle alive. I gingerly picked him up by the tail, and opened the front door.  I threw him toward the yard.  As he flew through the air, I gave him a little salute.  I mean, he did put up a good fight.  Well, I hear the pitter patter of little feet, which means my kids are up, and will soon want to open gifts.  To all of my friends out there in journal land, have a wonderful, merry and lizard-free Christmas! 

Symphony Review

Ahhhh, what can I say?  It was absolutely beautiful!  We arrived in plenty of time, since we had never been to the concert hall before.  We went inside, and were met with a string quartet playing in the lobby.  It was so lovely!  There were many people milling about, just enjoying the sounds and the decorations.  We then went and found our seats, which overlooked the orchestra.  We had a great view of the audience, and the musicians.  I have to say, I have never seen so many people dressed in red and green in one place!  You could see kids straining to see the musicians, laughing and giggling with excitement.  Parents were pointing out the different instruments to their children.  It was quite a family affair.  Many elderly people; the women in festive holiday hats and their husbands with bow ties....it was so cute!  Soon they lowered the lights, the orchestra tuned up, and the maestro walked onto the stage.  He was quite personable, telling cute jokes between songs, and involving a few audiance members in "The Twelve Days of Christmas".  I can't tell you how beautiful the music was.  I just closed my eyes, and I was in another place.  My troubles and worries seemed to melt away, with each wonderful, rich note of music.  It is amazing how music can affect you.  It was warm and cozy inside the music hall; it's not a huge place, very intimate.  My girls loved it, and surprisingly, my husband said several times on the way home how much he enjoyed it.  He said that it was "comforting".  I don't know what it was, but being in that room, with my family and the incredible music, I felt safe.  I didn't have to think about rushing around and shopping, bills or dh's work issues. There was nothing to do but bask in the glow of the season.  It was a beautiful evening....one that I am thankful to have been a part of with my family.  I highly recommend it to everyone! ;o) 

It's Symphony Day!!!!

Well, today is symphony day!  I am so excited.  We go this afternoon....what should I wear?  Hubby asked this question, and I told him since we have orchestra box seats, we have to dress as though we can afford them.  (No one needs to know I got them with a coupon!  LOL.)  Hopefully, hearing the beautiful music will put us more in the spirit of Christmas.  I will report back later and let all who care to know, how everything went. Fa la la la la........

Sleep? Not me....

Well, it's Friday, the first morning of my children's Christmas  vacation from school.  It's 6:50am, and they are sleeping soundly....cuddled under blankets, enjoying their slumber.  So why, you ask, am I not in bed?  Oh, I was.  I was sleeping soundly, in the midst of a lovely dream (something about sugar plumbs....) when the phone rang.  It was my husband.  Did he want to wish me a "good morning" from work because he missed me?  Did he know he would wake me up, but just couldn't stand not hearing my sweet voice saying "I love you" ?  Nooooo, he needed to tell me he forgot his "secret santa" gift for his holiday party today, and what did I think he should do.  Well, the first thought I had involved placing (shoving) the gift somewhere that the recepiant would never think to look....so I nixed that idea. I knew he couldn't come home to get it, because the bossman wasn't in yet....so that left one option. I must go sometime before noon and deliver the gift.  I really shouldn't be surprised that this happened.  This is the man who at about 8:30am on Dec. 24, will grab our oldest dd, and tell me they are going out to "run errands". Two hours later, they return and say, "Don't go in the garage!"  Of course, I shouldn't fault him.  He does have that condition that makes it hard for him to remember things like consideration, common sense, Christmas, and gifts.....he's a MAN. (sorry, couldn't help that one!)  Actually, he is a good man and his gifts, though purchased last minute, are always thoughtful and pretty much what I would like. He always gets me a Hallmark card that either pops-up or moves in some way, and his wrapping never fails to make me smile.  I call it his "man wrapping".  He will use a gift bag, but always forgets to buy tissue paper.  He  substitutes with his shop towels, which are white and surprisingly absorbant. So, I suppose I will forgive his forgetfulness and take him his gift.  Right after I take a nap!      

Nuttin' honey....

I feel so accomplished right now!  The entire house is clean *sparkle sparkle*, and right at this moment there is absolutely nothing I need to do.  I am just going to sit in a state of zen for a moment and enjoy.....ohmmmmmm.....ohmmmmm.....okay, enough of that.  Now I need to figure out what to get my parents and mil for Christmas!  They are so hard to buy for.  We were going to get tickets to attend the Gaither's Gospel Hour Christmas concert for our parents and my family, but Dad is just too weak this year to go.  I am so glad that we had the chance to go last year, because they absolutely love the Gaithers.  I remember them listening to their albums as a child.  So, now I'm not sure what to get them.  As for the mil, I was thinking about getting her (now, don't laugh), a membership in a local Florida "monthly fruit club".  I know, I know, it sounds corny....but the woman loves oranges.  She is a nurse and is a health freak.  She has yogurt and an orange almost every day for lunch.  Her idea of a sweet delicious snack is an orange.  (Mine, of course, is a Snickers....and we all know Lanny enjoys cookies!;)  So, I think my idea is a very good one.  I mean, if I didn't like her, I'd send her "pork rinds from around the world" along with "booze of the month".  I'm actually suggesting sending her something healthy and nutricious.  I told my husband of my idea and he liked it.  Okay, one down, one to go.  I'm sure I will think of something wonderful and moving.  Something they will talk about for years to come.  (Hmmmm, clapper or chia pet....)

Good morning....(even though it's afternoon)

Good morning....although technically it's afternoon.  I was a naughty girl this morning.  I got up at 6:15, took my dd to the bus stop, came home and got 2nd dd ready, took her to bus stop, came home, vaccumed and windex/armour-alled my van, ate waffles, checked my e-mails, then....went back to bed for 2 hours!  Oh, I am a bad girl!  Dh called and woke me up, so I tried to sound "awake".  He has not been a happy camper lately at work, and I didn't want to make him feel bad knowing I was lounging in our soft, big bed....when I should be cleaning, ironing and baking for dd's class party tomorrow.  Actually, my throat is rather sore, and I hope I am not getting the STREP dd just got diagnosed with last night!  (She's on an antibiotic, and was allowed to go to school because she didn't have a fever).  She told me that it is terrible at school, that everyone is sick.  She said in gym class yesterday they were all standing around, feeling each others neck glands....oh what bored teens will do these days!  Anyhoo, I have made up for my lazy morning by cleaning, mopping and doing some wash, and when I get off the computer, I will bake. My girls only have two more days of school before Christmas vacation.  Where did the time go?  I can't believe it is almost Christmas once again.  Is it just me, or do the holidays sneak up on everyone? Okay, enough lolligaging....I must bake....here I go....yup, I'm getting up right now....here I go....I'm really going....riiiiigggghhhttt nooowww..... 

Moment of Happiness....

Well, it's Monday which is my official "cleaning day".  So far I have dusted, windexed, mopped, swept and done 2 loads of laundry.  As I was walking back into the house after letting the dog out, I had one of my "moment's of happiness".  I get these every-so-often and wonder if anyone else does.  I can't really explain where it comes from or why it happens.  I'm not usually thinking about anything in particular or doing anything out of the ordinary when it happens.  I just get this feeling of warmth and happiness that washes over me.  I look around and am so happy to be in my house, cleaning and being a mom.  I'm filled with thanks that I have a warm house to step into out of the cold.  My kitchen, messy with breakfast dishes and objects that I have told the kids to put away hundreds of times over the weekend, is comforting in some strange way.  In reality I know that I've only got $150 left in the checking account after all the Christmas shopping, yet I still have to pay for a doctor appointment tonight, and two grab-bag gifts.  Payday isn't till Friday, so I have to make the 1/4 tank of gas last till then, even though I have to run errands tonight.  The dog is limping again, so I need to get him his expensive pills and hubby and I had an argument last night that wasn't resolved this morning....yet, I feel happy.  My theory is that there will be a time in my life, when I am old and frail and perhaps lying on my deathbed, when I will wish my biggest problem was cleaning the kitchen.  I will wish I could nag the kids to put things away....because now they are busy with their own families and I don't talk to them as much as I would like.  I would wish I could tell my husband "I'm sorry", even if it wasn't my fault, because now he is in a nursing home and doesn't know me.  These moments of happiness keep me going and help me to realize that everything in my life is a gift.  Good or bad, clean or dirty, I am thankful for it all! 

My sweet family.......

My youngest went with her student counsil group to sing at a nursing home today.  They had to take a stuffed animal for a patient and she took a patriotic beanie babie. We talked about those that don't have much and how Christmas is about giving....and she decided to give with a loving heart.  I told her that maybe she could give hers to a man, because it was not a "girly" stuffed animal, and men like things that are patriotic.  When she got home, she told me that she gave hers to a man.  Then she told me, "I gave it to him because he looked like he might have been in a war."  She was so serious, and I had to try not to laugh or cry!  It was so sweet.  I asked her if she told him Merry Christmas, and she said she whispered it to him because he was "Not all the way asleep, but his eyes were almost closed."  She said he had his head in his arms, and she put the bear in the crook of his elbow.  I don't know why, but the thought of a child, gently placing a teddy bear in the arms of a nursing home patient brought tears to my eyes.  I asked her if the people were happy to see the kids and she said, "Oh yes!  Some of them were asleep, but most of them were smiling and clapping and kept saying hi."  I know that this trip had an effect on her.  My husband thought the trip would be too depressing, but I told him that kids need to learn that everyone deserves love and compassion, no matter how depressing the situation might be. I went with the group last year, and it's so sad to see these mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers,  sitting in a hallway in wheelchairs with no one to talk to. When we went last year, there was one particular lady who was all dressed up, watching the children and smiling....her eyes sparkling with the memory of years past.  She grabbed my arm when we walked out and whispered to me, "You know, I was a teacher for 60 years."  I congratulated her on her long career, and asked her a few questions.  She smiled and squeezed my arm before we left.  It makes you realize that the gift of time, of ourselves, can be just as exciting as a brightly wrapped gift; and more fun to give.

     

Cookies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's been a fun afternoon....I have just finished baking cookies for my first-ever neighborhood cookie swap!  I am so excited.  I made merangue m&m cookies and chocolate marshmallow cookies.  I hope I made enough!  The get together is tomorrow from 11-1, although I'm sure we ladies will chat longer....I mean, two hours for a house full of women, plates of cookies, coffee, and no children?  Come on!  LOL.  The lady who has been confiding her personal issues in me will be there, although I'm sure she won't be talking about things tomorrow.  (At least I hope not!)  I have been kind of avoiding her by driving my daughter to the bus stop for the last two days.  All I can say is thank goodness we haven't gotten to "chatty- phone-call status" in our friendship. I would go nuts!  Anyhoo, there is going to be a parade in my parent's neighborhood tomorrow, so I think I will send the kiddles to watch it while I'm at my party.  DH has to work, so I don't have to worry about him....he would be so lonely without me for two hours....ha!  He wants to go to a car show tomorrow night with our 57 Ford.  Now, I don't mind car shows, but I'm just not in the mood right now.  He's been waxing and polishing that thing all week, in anticipation for the show....so I guess I will be attending.  Hark....I hear the incessent buzzing of my dryer....duty calls!   

Finally!!!!

Well, it's 4:00 am and I finally got the airline ticket mess straightend out.  Might I give all who read this some words of advice?  DO NOT wait until the second week of December to book airline tickets for the end of December.  The prices go waaayyyy up, and the budget flights are few and far between!  I finally found a flight out of Chicago for my oldests dd's best friend, so that she can spend the holidays with us.  (She is the daughter of my best friend who passed away).  This girl is like a daughter to me, and every Christmas and summer break, I send her a ticket to spend time with us.  Somehow this year time just slipped away from me and I forgot to get the ticket.  But, thank the good Lord, I found one and she will be on her way.  "Cheers" to the customer service staff at Travelocity, who feilded my 5 calls....they were quite helpful.  "Jeers" to my freaking internet service (the supposed superior broadband service), who seconds after pressing the "buy ticket now" button, froze up.  This is why I am up so early, and spent a night tossing and turning.  The cs lady told me to wait until morning to purchase a new ticket because maybe it went through and it's taking a long time to show up (I didn't want to accidentally purchase 2 tickets!).  So, I waited as long as I could, (being that the flight only had 3 empty seats and I was sure someone would buy it during the night), then got up and re-purchased. With that done, I can go back to bed and have a restful hour of sleep before the day begins again.  Ahhh, the joy of the holiday season.... 

What a day....

Do you ever have one of those days?  You know, where you feel like everything irritates you?  It started this morning with a new friend (we've seriously talked about four times now), telling me of her horrible marriage and how she needs a friend to confide in and talk to.  I don't mind talking, but she is going through some really serious stuff, and telling me all about it.  I really feel sorry for her, but it's a lot to take all at once.  I feel overwhelmed and bombarded....I don't know what to do.  She has told me so much that I can't just avoid her; not to mention the fact that she has huge abandonment issues. What should I do?  (Advice would be appreciated!)  Then, I deposited my check and my mil's Christmas check she sent to the family, and shopped for gifts.  I went store to store, and although I got most of what I wanted, I feel like I didn't get everything.  And I was frustrated because I was hot.  I thought it was cooler than it was outside, so I wore a tank top with a jacket over it.  Wouldn't you know, after the first store, the rain stopped, the sun came out and I was burning up.  So, why didn't I just take the jacket off?  Well, because I wore the tanktop that had the stain on it that is covered by the jacket.  So, I had the air on full blast as I drove around town.  Then I come home to my supposedly faster-than-the-speed-of-light broadband, and the thing freezes at least 10 times.  Once I get on, I find that I can't get the airline ticket I need, because the website is down.  And of course, while preparing dinner, washing dishes, and helping with homework, dh comes in and wants to discuss life insurance right now.  AAAAHHHHHH!  I have about had it today! 

Chat room clique....

I have been in my fair share of chat rooms....99% of them G-rated ;o).  My favorites are the game chats in the AOL Parenting section.  It's great to relax in the evening with a fun game, and lighthearted chat.  However, trying to break into the regular "mom" chatrooms is not as easy as one would think.  Usually, I begin by entering and quietly watching.  Most of the time, the chat is already going full steam so no one notices.  After acclimating myself to the conversations that are going on, I decide to say "hi".  Nothing.  The chat continues and I wait.  Someone new comes in and I am the first to give a "hi" to them....nothing.  Invariably, they are already a part of the "parent clique" and get (((((hugs))))) from everyone else. So, I wait and read some more.  Okay!  They are talking about a subject I am familiar with.  I come up with a witty remark, wait for juuussst the right moment and BAM!  Hit send.  Nothing.  What exactly is it that one must do to break into these cliques?  Perhaps I need to be on for hours at a time. Maybe I need to be more forthcoming with my hugs. (I'm just not a hugger.)  How is it that while searching for a community that embraces stay at home mom's, I am rejected?  I find that this is a commonality in most of the chat rooms I visit.  In my old transatlantic chat, you knew who the "leaders" were. They were the ones that told the worst jokes, yet got the most LOL's.  I tried the 30's chats, only to find that those are basically for people looking for, well, encounters.  There was only one chat room where I was accepted and felt like a friend from the beginning.....and that was a Canadian chat.  Chatrooms are sort of like being in high school again.  The "popular" people take over, with the lesser known chatters left on their own, to live vicariously.  And not unlike high school, as you are sitting there, waiting to be noticed, the one and only pervert surfer decides to talk to you.  I tell you, you just can't win!    

When all else fails....bake brownies

Well, the anniversary has come and gone.  We began our day at Cracker Barrel; eggs cooked to perfection, bacon crisp, biscuits fluffy, grits, well, gritty, gravy hot, and my personal favorite, hashbrown casserol!  We also had coffee.  Now, hubby and I have this "thing" we do every time we go out to breakfast....we fix each others coffee.  I reach across and put 4 packets of sugar in his cup, as he does the same for me.  Then we exchange creamer, and stir, using each other's spoons.  Afterward, we clink glasses and toast to us, then savor the first robust sniff....dramatic pause....and drink.  Ahhhhh, delicious.  Anyway, after that we went to Toys R Us and got youngest her birthday gift, (which happens to fall on Christmas day), a new bike. We got her a chain and mirror and these cool flashy things that go on the spokes. Then, it was off to Home Depot for the grab bag gift dh needed, and onto the mall where we walked around.  After that we headed to Lowe's where as we entered, we promptly forgot why we had gone there, and left for Wal-Mart.  A box of lights and pair of tweezers later, we were back home, "celebrating" before the kids got home. (I know, too much information, right?)  That evening we went out to dinner and over to my uncle's house to visit, and then back home where life went back to normal....dh asleep on the couch in front of the tv, and me in bed, flipping through channels.  Today started off good....the glow of romance still surrounding us until around 1:00, when I decided to try to set up my AOL broadband.  I needed a very heavy desk moved, and a hole drilled into the wall....this is where things fell apart.  Hubby was not happy about stopping his lawn work to come inside and help with yet another project. Crab, crab, complain, complain, and *poof*, the romance faded.  Then my girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant, yet again, which sent me into further depression.  (I want another baby but dh is fixed and I don't have a boyfriend....sigh).  So, I did what any other person would do, I baked brownies.  And to top it off, I covered them with Heath bits and chocolate chips. Zoloft, no way.  Prozac?  Forget it.  I will medicate myself with chocolately goodness....I can feel the happiness coming on!  (Unfortunately, it's coming onto my hips.)

Ahhh, childhood.....

I don't know if I should laugh or cry....I'm feeling so melancholy right now.  I'm sitting at my computer, enjoying a steaming bowl of tomato soup and crackers, with my balsam fir candle, listening to Christmas music from my childhood, basking in the glow of my computer desk tree.  Isn't it funny how a taste, a scent, or the first few bars of "Frosty the Snowman" can catapult you back to your childhood?  Images of my dad stringing Christmas lights on our live tree flood my memory right now.  My sisters and I would be in our red and white "my heart belongs to daddy" nightgowns, just waiting to start putting the ornaments on the tree.  My mom would be in the kitchen making hot chocolate, and Gene Autry's Christmas album would be playing in the background.  I remember being so excited, knowing Santa would soon be on his way.  Remember the big bulbs we used to string on trees? Now those were festive!  I would stare at them for hours.  My favorite part of the evening happened after the tree was decorated. My parents would turn off the lights, and we would fall asleep on the floor, wrapped in our blankies, watching that beautiful tree.  Because of the disease that is slowly yet progressively taking my father away from me, it's hard to remember him young and vibrant. My childhood memories of him are of a loving father and husband.  Nothing was more important to him than his family and his God.  Christmas time was such a fun and magical time for us.  Dad loved it just as much as us kids.  I remember him slow-dancing with my mom in front of the tree, holding her close and smiling.  Life was good....how I wish those feelings could be recaptured.  Or perhaps a quick trip back in time, to enjoy one more of those Christmas's.  Of course, I know that isn't possible, and I am making new memories with my family. My kids enjoy our traditions as do my husband and I.  I can only hope that they will look back on their childhood with the same love and warmth that I feel with mine.  

Good Morning!

Well, since it is now December, I have decided to change my font color to "holiday green".  How festive.  Today is going to end up being a day of cleaning, washing floors, etc.  Why, you ask?  You see, my normal schedule is heavy cleaning on Monday and Friday, with a slightly less thorough going-over on Wednesday.  All other days get a vaccum and floor mop as needed.  So, after finishing my order of sewing last night, I was thrilled to think I had a Thursday free of work/cleaning, etc.  I spent the evening deciding what I should do today....should I go shopping?  Get a massage?  Sleep?  And then I remembered that Friday is our anniversary (the big "16"), and I won't be able to do my cleaning because hubby has taken the day off.  Bummer.  Not bummer that he is home, but bummer that my cleaning schedule will now be off.  To the average person, I suppose this sounds insane.  "What?  She's complaining because she has to go out and spend a romantic day with her husband instead of cleaning?"  No, that's not it.  It's just that I hate it when my schedule is off.  I have suffered from OCD since I was a child, and organization is my life.  I like my dishes stacked properly, my socks going in the correct direction, and my cleaning days in order.  I'm not a hand washing germaphobe, I obsess about order.  Trust me when I say you can come over any time of the day and my house will sparkling.  Even when it's dirty, it's clean.  My cabinets are organized, my linen closet would make Martha Stewart cry with joy, and my junk drawer is neat and tidy. I am lucky that I found a man who is a neat freak. His garage is the envy of all the other men on the block.  He painted it a white-white this summer-you have to squint when you come in from the sun. The tools are alphabetically organized. You could eat off the workbench or perform surgery on the floor. We are a perfect match. So, I will clean today and not complain about the schedule change.  And tomorrow, hubby and I can enjoy our day, knowing that the house is clean and things are in their place.  (Of course, I can always vaccum when I get home!) 

Oh, lonesome me....

I went to the lab today to get my blood taken for my last test.  It was a 2 hour glucose test, which meant I was stuck 4 times. I am always amused having my blood taken because I went through a phlebotomy course and clinicals; so I know what they are doing, and if they are doing it correctly.  Guess what?  98% of phlebotomists are not doing it by the book!  But, they are the ones with the needles, so I don't say anything.  Anyway, as I was sitting in the waiting room, watching people come and go, I realized that I am really a loner.  I saw people who knew each other, saying hello and asking about thier holidays; and I saw people striking up conversations with one another and being friendly.  Not that I'm not friendly, I am.  I will say hi and smile.  It just seems that I give off the "stand-offish" vibe.  My mother says I'm too negative.  That I judge people too harshly before I know them.  Well, perhaps I do. I am not the sweet, down home, funny gal.  I'm more of a dry humor, "Is she being rude or is she British?" kind of gal.  My uncle is the same way, so I suppose you could say it runs in the family.  In any case, I try very hard not to judge people before I know them.  God has made it abundantly clear that I am not always on the money with my observations of others.  I have found a few friends in people I would never have imagined being pals with, had I not gotten to know them. It seems whenever I begin a new relationship, I almost try to find something I don't like, so that I don't get too close to them.  I know why.  It's because in June of 2001 I lost my best friend to ovarian cancer.  I miss her so much.  We would talk for hours every day about everything and nothing.  I suppose I don't want the hurt of losing someone again.  However, sometimes I feel so lonely.  I long to have a best friend,someone I can confide in and relate to.  Someone to shop with and have lunch with and snicker over secrets together. You know what I mean? Yes, even a sahm gets lonely.